Friday, February 27, 2009

“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.”

I forgive everyone, including myself.

Forgiveness is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself on the spiritual path. If you can’t learn to forgive, you can forget about getting to higher levels of awareness.

-Dr. Wayne Dyer

I visited Dyer's Daily Inspiration page as it's a very nifty way to get moment-pausing quotes that help you stay aligned with a more peaceful path. This quote is definitely something I want to keep in my life. It can be very hard to follow but it is worth every effort made to live up to it. Recently a certain someone popped into mine and Aaron's life again. This person is the only known person who can easily & unknowingly push Aaron buttons, which pushes my buttons. This person has spread who knows what sort of sordid stories against Aaron to his family & whoever will listen, which again, pushes me to anger and pettiness. These past couple days all I want to do is confront this person, and lay a list of complaints at their feet. But it's not my place to do that, nor is it productive.....or forgiving.

Intellectually I know this person hates themself. This person has no love for themself, and it manifests in destructive ways against themself and others. But I obviously haven't realized this yet. Where is my compassion? Where is my forgiveness? Just writing that brings tears to my eyes. Where is it? For this person, I don't know. I need to work on it; I want to work on it.

I want to have love and compassion and forgiveness for those that tend to anger me most.

I find that those who strike against the ones I love most are the ones I have the hardest time forgiving. Thanks goodness those strikers are few in number, eh?

But those that strike are also the ones that have the least love for themselves. I've seen that. I need to know it now.

Writing this out has helped immensely. I didn't realize how much anger was festering against this person. And now it feels deflated, which is nice & comforting.

*Title quote is from Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Elizabeth Gilbert: A different way to think about creative genius.

I found myself over at My Inspiration Lounge and came across this post:

Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, Pray, Love, muses on the impossible things we expect from artists and geniuses -- and shares the radical idea that, instead of the rare person "being" a genius, all of us "have" a genius. It's a funny, personal and surprisingly moving talk.

I loved this talk! I've read her Eat Pray Love book, which I loved as well.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

acts of encouragement

I had an okay day, but I arrived home feeling a bit blah, despite the awesome fact that I'm finally getting my coat dry-cleaned and relined. So I ate 4 small brownies and settled on guacamole & chips for dinner. Yeah, not quite healthy. Surfing the web was making my dull mind go around in circles, so I finally decided to stop and meditate.

The most common sense stuff is relayed to me when meditating a lot of times. This time it was, "Stop eating that junk, and start eating the right food." Not in a critical way, just in a nurturing "do some good for yourself" way. Our dining table has been covered in junk for a while now. The other day I envisioned it clean again, and eating a healthy breakfast there. While meditating I had the same vision. The bulk of the meditation focused on love and healing. Good, energizing stuff.

When it was over, I got up and started clearing our dining room table. I also put away the guacamole. Now I can sit there and at least drink a glass of milk with some toast there, instead of sitting on the couch eating nothing. After that, I offered Aaron a massage. My massages really help alleviate the pain in his back. I personally try to give him weekly massages, but I fall by the wayside every now and then. He eagerly accepted the offer.

Usually with Aaron, his shoulder muscles are what give him trouble. Over 90% of the time I focus on that area. But for whatever reason I wasn't moved to massage that area hardly at all this time. I mostly focused on his middle to lower back. A couple of times I moved up to the usual shoulder area just to see if anything came to me do to, but I never felt compelled to stay there, so I focused on his mid-lower back again.

After the massage I asked Aaron if it was his mid-lower back bothering him this time. He said it was, and that his shoulders were actually pretty fine this time.

Massages like this encourage me to not doubt going to massage school or get frightened that I'm making the wrong choice. Though I wonder if the only reason I have a certain intuition when massaging Aaron is because we are so close; that maybe with other people I won't feel that same intuition. But if that proves to be the case, at least I'll learn more massage skills that will help me help my husband's chronic back pain. I think that's worth it.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

just playing around.

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i left my coat in bodega bay

Hen Hao!

Tuesday and Wednesday were interesting. I was so pissy and just down in the dumps at my job on Tuesday. I felt overwhelmed and contemplated coming into work on Saturday since I thought I wouldn't be able to finish something before next week. Then that evening I decided to meditate. It had been 3 days since I last had, and even longer before that. (Funny how meditation can be all you do morning and evening, then just as easily fall to the wayside & repeat.) I meditated again Wednesday morning (it had been ages since doing a meditation before work), and just had the most delightful, energy filled day. I'd say today (Thursday) was an average of the two.

But it was enjoyable & interesting having the juxtaposition of the "piss in your pants" Tuesday and the "blue skys are smiling at me" Wednesday. It really illustrates how it's not the situation so much as your attitude that effects your day. Of course it may have also been a nudge to get me to meditate more regularly.

I don't want to say that meditating "cures" things like lousy days. For me, though, it connects me with the things that are truly important and real in this world. Those things are love, light and peace (the latter two being products of the former in my opinion). When love, light and peace are propped up against paper work, office space and phone calls, then those last three things become totally manageable.

My world expands from being this microcosm of uncomfortable office chair and terrible lighting to an ever-expansive universe of possibilities, hope and creation.

As of today, the goal my husband and I had of paying off two HUGE credits cards was realized. It was the reason I took on this job, and we have stayed true to our intentions. I'm still not totally believing it quite yet. It's like a yoke has been taken off my neck, but I still feel its soreness. When we don't have to pay those credit cards next month is when it'll probably kick in :)

And yes, I really did leave my coat in Bodega Bay (super lovely, awesome, every-positive-word-in-the-thesaurus weekend getaway!) That's what happens when you use the hotel closet when you usually throw your coat on the floor or on a chair ;)