Friday, April 24, 2009

spring loaded

It is interesting and shocking how one little event can unleash to much emotion. In this case it was a large, hairy spider that shook me up. First off, I am terrified of spiders. My fear exponentially increase the larger the spider is. It wasn't my hysterical reaction to the spider that caught me off guard. Rather this scary event triggered something deeper in me that I didn't know I had; I have thought of about this "something" on and off again, but this time it made me break down and sob that uncontrollable, heart-wrenching sob. It lasted for only a few minutes at most, but was definitely unexpected. I would not have thought a spider that was really no more than 1 1/2 inches in diameter could be the first domino in an emotional breakdown.

I acknowledge that I have these deeper (I guess unresolved) emotions. I just don't know how to take care of them. Maybe time is all that is needed, though I doubt it. It's more like I need to forgive myself, to not lay guilt on my conscience. Because I do feel some of that.

1 comment:

Lea said...

I can relate. I was in my teens when I saw a spider in my bedroom window (I was more afraid of spiders then) and I gathered up the courage to swat it with something.

Well, it didn't faze the spider, even after several attempts and my last swat caused the window shade to roll up. I screamed...my mother came to see what happened. I was so petrified by then that I couldn't even speak...just point.

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