Sunday, May 31, 2009

my sweet husband

Wow, it actually seems like I will be able to take that acupressure workshop! It's not finalized yet, but its chances are a lot higher than before. My husband should be coming into some money this week which will be more than enough to cover it. Even more touching though is that this money, which we have known is coming for a few months now, was earned by my husband. The plan was to use it to buy him a new laptop since his current one is owned by his job. Then today my husband shared with me his idea to use that money to help finance my massage education! I totally was not expecting that and made sure he was absolutely alright with it.

It really touches me soul that he cares that much about my passion, education and happiness. I am so blessed and fortunate to have him in my life.

P.S.-- I will be quite impressed if I get to take this acupressure workshop since only a month or so ago I was so worked up over it but didn't see how I could afford it, leaving it up to some "miracle" to cover it for me. It would be just one more example of how awesome & extraordinary life unfolds.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

terrible twos

I am in a very emotional state. Sometimes I feel like I get so irrationally frustrated that I could burst into tears exactly like a toddler. In just two weeks of deep tissue massage I have felt like this twice in class. The first time was because I felt like I wasn't grasping the massage moves, and the second major time was today when I didn't have a chance to practice a move. Seriously, I felt like a toddler that could burst into frustrated tears; I was having to hold them back while wondering what the hell was going on with me.

Oh I just remembered a third time this happened, today. I asked if we needed to bring pillows to class tomorrow, like we had been doing this week though we haven't had a chance to use them. Since I walk to school this is a burden to me and I didn't want to bring a pillow for a third time if it wasn't going to be used. My instructor forgot that I walked to class and said I didn't have to bring one tomorrow, and I could borrow one if we did use them. She was sympathetic to my minor plight. I started to get teary eyed with frustration reflecting on how I had brought a pillow twice when we didn't end up using them. It all seems to boil down to a "It's not fair! How about me!" tantrum that's ready to spill out at any frustrated point. I just don't know why.

I have been pretty blissfully happy. Maybe this is my weakened ego making a come back? Maybe the Fresno trip (with some clashing of the egos happening between myself and my dad) stirred up some more things? Or maybe I'm a bit more emotionally drained since a few of my friends are going through some major heart ache? Or maybe it's A, B and C?

I need to listen to myself and try to figure this out. It's just so odd because I honestly feel like a vulnerable toddler with a short, delicate fuse when this happens. Hmmm.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

frustrated foes

Yesterday was an odd day in massage class for me. We were learning massage strokes for the head, and I was finding it particularly difficult. I wasn't feeling any flow, it felt awkward for me, and I was just feeling stuck. I got so frustrated that I could have literally started crying. Then other negative emotions started to creep up; it was very odd and bizarre. I hadn't felt that frustrated with massage ever, nor that frustrated just in general in a very long time.

Lunch came, we went outside to eat, and during then it melted away. I don't know why; I did try to calm myself down before lunch, so maybe that helped. Or it could have just been the break that helped. But after that I felt much better. I even practiced it on my husband later that night, in part because I didn't want to remain frustrated with it when I had to do it again. The only way I was going to get a handle on it was if I practiced. And even with a new kitty jumping on the massage table every other minute, I wasn't nearly as frustrated as I was during class.

I'm not very experienced at recognizing what's my energy and what it someone else's. I'm rather curious if it was someone else's energy overlapping/shadowing mine that made me that frustrated. But I don't know. I just wanted to record that odd experience and share it. Sometimes you feel off, but it's only temporary.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

fruits of my labor

This week is the last week of my first massage module. I actually have an anatomy final today, and tomorrow was supposed to be my practitioner's test. That's the test where we have to do a massage in an hour while the instructor watches and grades. Well yesterday we had the option of taking the practitioner's test then instead of Thursday, so that's what we did. It was awesome getting it out of the way. After the test the instructor speaks with you privately and tells if you if you passed (though it's rare for anyone to fail). Now I haven't really gotten much comment in class about my progress, just instructions when my back or wrist isn't straight enough, or a good job here & there. So I wasn't expecting much.

The praise I got was some of the most flattering ever, the kind of praise that touches me more. Stuff like how it was a joy & beautiful to watch me massage since my body mechanics are perfect and I had a peaceful, healing energy when doing so. I mean, wow, I was not expecting that :) But it's what I want to be. I told her I was very glad to hear that, and practically skipped home. I'm just so --I can't think of adequate words-- happy? satisfied? fulfilled? that what I've been working towards for these past several years is easily unfolding & coming to be now. It's so encouraging; it's the kind of fuel that makes the journey that much easier.

There is an acupressure class that I really wanted to take but I don't think the money's going to come through this time. I'm not counting it out yet, but I'm not holding my breath either. I was quite worked up over it, trying to budget and figure out how to make it work. But now I just figure if I'm meant to take it, the money will show. And if not, there will be a next time. I will just have to focus on other classes this summer.

So next week I start deep tissue classes! Isn't is a beautiful life?

*** Fruit Infused Water***

I made some apple/basil water last night. It is quite refreshing and delicious, so here's the simple recipe if you want to try for yourself.

1 large or 2 small apples (Gala, Granny Mmith, Fuji, basically any crunchy kind that is not Red Delicious)

2 sprigs of basil (~a dozen leaves). I used fresh basil.

* Slice apples.
* Chop or crunch basil leaves.
* Put together in a very large cloth "tea bag" or wrap in cheese cloth (basically anything you can fashion out of a cloth that will let the water diffuse through it.)
* Fill a pitcher with water and put the wrapped apple slices & basil in it. (I use filtered water.)
* Set in fridge overnight.
* Take out apples & basil in morning. (Optional: add fresh leaves and apple slices to pitcher.)

Take a sip!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

it pains my heart; my heart bursts

I just finished watching a 2001 documentary called Life and Debt which is "a feature-length documentary which addresses the impact of the International Monetary Fund, the World Bank, the Inter-American Development Bank and current globalization policies on a developing country such as Jamaica." Oh I am quite aware of how various countries exploit the weak & poor, but getting down to the details always makes my heart hurt. But then it swells my heart with more compassion to want to do something, anything, to help, even if it's so slight that I don't know if it's making a real difference. I just want to try.

I think now I am finally ready to commit to buying fair trade clothing, period. It is much more affordable to buy now than it was even 5 years ago. There are more places online to purchase affordable fair trade clothing from various co-ops from all over the world. The thought of my shirt or jeans coming from a "free zone" in Jamaica, a sweat shop in China, India, Honduras, Pakistan, anywhere, is weighing on my conscious more and more. I am fortunate enough to live in America, to not be of the poorer class in this country, and to be able to afford things that the vast majority of this world cannot. The country I live in exploits the world just so I can afford my relatively luxurious life. I need to do as much as I can, one step at a time. And this is my next step.

This is why I love blogging. I love committing my thoughts, my insights, my goals in written format available for whoever to see. If I am lucky enough, it inspires others to live to their highest potential. But mostly I do it for myself. To help center my thoughts and orient my path. This particular blog has been active for a year now, and is one I dearly cherish. Thank you (the other) Lea from Ocean of Perspectives for thinking of me.