Wednesday, May 20, 2009

terrible twos

I am in a very emotional state. Sometimes I feel like I get so irrationally frustrated that I could burst into tears exactly like a toddler. In just two weeks of deep tissue massage I have felt like this twice in class. The first time was because I felt like I wasn't grasping the massage moves, and the second major time was today when I didn't have a chance to practice a move. Seriously, I felt like a toddler that could burst into frustrated tears; I was having to hold them back while wondering what the hell was going on with me.

Oh I just remembered a third time this happened, today. I asked if we needed to bring pillows to class tomorrow, like we had been doing this week though we haven't had a chance to use them. Since I walk to school this is a burden to me and I didn't want to bring a pillow for a third time if it wasn't going to be used. My instructor forgot that I walked to class and said I didn't have to bring one tomorrow, and I could borrow one if we did use them. She was sympathetic to my minor plight. I started to get teary eyed with frustration reflecting on how I had brought a pillow twice when we didn't end up using them. It all seems to boil down to a "It's not fair! How about me!" tantrum that's ready to spill out at any frustrated point. I just don't know why.

I have been pretty blissfully happy. Maybe this is my weakened ego making a come back? Maybe the Fresno trip (with some clashing of the egos happening between myself and my dad) stirred up some more things? Or maybe I'm a bit more emotionally drained since a few of my friends are going through some major heart ache? Or maybe it's A, B and C?

I need to listen to myself and try to figure this out. It's just so odd because I honestly feel like a vulnerable toddler with a short, delicate fuse when this happens. Hmmm.

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